11 Reasons Why I Chose to Extend My Feedback Loop Purification Indefinitely
Throughout the month of July, I’d been feeling so nourished and held by in-person relationships and gatherings, I felt a shift in how I’ve been integrating my love languages. For anyone unfamiliar with “The Five Love Languages” developed by Dr. Gary Chapman, they offer insight into how we as individuals with unique personalities express and receive love in different ways. According to Dr. Chapman, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Exchanging Gifts, and Acts of Service are the commonly expressed languages of love. Which language we connect with most depends on the person, and I believe the circumstances in which we find ourselves.
Back when I first took the quiz to uncover my preferred love languages, I was in a different spiral of my journey. I had just exited my corporate career after 7 years of devotion to the same firm, I was enrolled at iPEC for coach training, and I was experiencing the type of isolation and psychological madness that occurs when one becomes entangled in a verbally abusive relationship. I felt alone, unheard, and misunderstood. Though I knew in my soul that I had taken steps of alignment and was following my calling, those in my proximate circles were not feeling my conviction. So when I took the quiz and discovered that “Words of Affirmation” was my primary love language, I was not surprised. It felt at that time as though the outside world had been bombarding me with words of rejection, antagonism, and harsh criticism. My Gremlin (aka inner critic) was quick to adopt such projections, replaying, “No one wants to hear your shrill voice,” “Everyone thinks you’ve gone crazy,” “Even your own family hates you,” on loop in my vulnerable psyche. Of course my heart craved what felt like the antidote to the poisonous thoughts infecting my mind. Especially when my new path was in its infancy. I yearned for encouragement.
Five years later, I’m in a loving relationship, our home is a peaceful and regenerative ecosystem, our businesses fill me with joy and inspiration the moment I open my eyes each morning, my community nourishes me with unconditional acceptance and consistency, and my relationships with my family members are open and receptive. And perhaps most importantly, my inner thoughts are healthy and encouraging. What a difference five years can make.
As I’ve developed strong inner mantras and roots of affirmation through healing my C-PTSD, I’m discovering that what I desire in my relationships with others has shifted. I no longer crave to hear words of encouragement or positive feedback. Instead, I find myself wondering, “Why do we need words at all?” The affirmation is one’s presence. When someone can sit with me without distraction, without checking their phone, without compulsive fidgeting or sucking on e-cigs, without a television screen on, without an out – without an out from intimacy – that to me is the affirmation. The affirmation that lets me know my existence matters, and my presence is valued. My primary love language had transformed into Quality Time.
This summer gifted me such fulfilling in-person quality time, I felt ready to take a leap of faith into the unknown. I would take the month of August off from social media. I decided to expand the social media break to a “Feedback Loop Purification” in which I identified other sources of input that were influencing my energy in ways that do not serve, such as Netflix and YouTube, and chose to cut those from my feedback diet as well. While YouTube is a great tool for acquiring knowledge and education, the algorithm is too strong for my susceptible attention span. It knows all my guilty pleasures and flashes the clickbait in my face like I’m a dog training to sit in exchange for treats. For just three minutes of my attention, I’ll be rewarded with dopamine and stimuli dependency. Then three minutes becomes two hours, and the book I’d been intending to read remains untouched.
Reading and writing books have also been key motivators in my break from digital media and streaming services. One of my greatest fears is dying without having read all the books my heart desires to read. Even greater, dying with unwritten books still trapped inside of my veins. Until this point, I’d never given myself an honest chance to alleviate those fears. A timeout from the chaos to simply read and write. I’d hypothesized a one-month Feedback Loop cleanse would offer substantial time and space for me to accomplish my goals and wake my dreams into reality. To transform my addictions into creativity and set myself up for success as I embark on my journey of authorship. Though as September approached, I felt no excitement or relief at the thought of this detox ending. I felt dread. “I don’t want to go back on Instagram,” Like a child I cried to Chris. “You don’t have to,” he reassured me.
I did go back. For 24 hours I returned to the world of algorithms, DMs, floating circles, and memes. I vacuumed up that content the way our cat devours her dinner. With ravenous eyes, I scrolled until my brain was a traffic jam of gossip, infotainment, comparison, and overwhelm from all the DMs that would remain unopened. Unanswered. And I remembered how hard I am on myself when I don’t have the energy to respond to everyone with my full presence. How much pressure I put on myself to respond from the most centered place possible. And if I slip from center and project my own emotions, I’ve failed. Ah, there’s my dread spiral. My “not enough” repeaters. This is also why I advocate for email. Email creates the space for me to respond without staring at my thumb to be sure I’m typing the correct letters. I grew up typing on keyboards. I love it. I’ve been typing on my smartphone for over a decade now. Not a fan. So I’m setting a boundary on behalf of the muse and redirecting social media communication to my email: rachel@feedbackloopcoaching.com. Please do not hesitate to contact me here. Because the 24-hour relapse back to social media and YouTube was enough to reveal to me, my Feedback Loop Purification process is just getting started.
Here are the top 11 reasons why I choose to extend my Feedback Loop Purification:
1. Addiction.
Throughout the years as a Leadership Coach and Mindfulness Practitioner, I have cultivated gentle yet unwavering awareness of what my addicted voice sounds like. It’s too obvious for me to ignore. The initial craving sounds like, “MORE! Moooore! More!” before morphing into more subtle justifications and rationalizations like, “Well, I need it for xyz….”
Typically, I have a grasp on what my ego is chasing. With medicinal amplifiers like cannabis or psilocybin mushrooms, I’m chasing the high. As well as whatever revelations I believe that high will bring. The ineffable innerstanding that can only be experienced (so my ego thinks) when we reach certain altered states of consciousness. Which is why it’s important for me to be clear and intentional when engaging with such medicines. My intention must be strong enough, steady enough, and discerning enough to starve the voice that shouts, “MORE! Smoke more!”
With social media, the chase is similar. The voice is the same. “MORE! Scroll more! Never stop scrolling!” And in this arena as well, there exists this subtle yet convincing hope (aka hopium) that if I just keep scrolling, I’ll eventually reach that one post that makes everything all better. That reveals the Truth for all of humanity to see clearly, unites us all in service to Mother Earth, exposes the crumbling Empire, and breaks us all free from this paradigm of indentured servitude. That post never arrives, though the rationalizations sneak their way in and through my Feedback Loop. “Well, you need social media for your business. You need to stay connected with the community you’ve cultivated here.” While I value the community we weave on social media, with my soul sounding the addiction alarm, I trust my community will understand and support me through this chapter.
And with all addiction, I’m attempting to escape the gnawing existential dread I hold in my jaw. Though every test points to the same lesson: the only way is through. There is no escaping the harsh realities of humanity’s existence. Though with focus and discipline, I can alchemize the dread through creativity. Whether I am successful in my efforts to harmonize our civilization and develop New Earth is of no concern to my soul, while my ego agonizes over how our story unfolds. All that matters to me at this juncture in our collective evolution is that I create the new. As long as I am absorbed in my creativity, my addictive energy serves its purpose.
Addiction is serious. I am awestruck by its cleverness and power. Each day presents a new battle between my addiction and self-mastery, and in my devotion to self-mastery, it’s time to let go of my strongest addiction to date: social media.
2. Reconciliation with the Shadow.
Without the availability of my go-to distractions, it’s just me, myself, & I navigating the vast landscapes of my active mind. I have no escape from unsettling memories, ruminations over past deviations, anxieties over future uncertainties, or internal condemnations. When they arise, the only option is to be with them. Witness them. Hold space for them.
In the past, addictive television programming filled with drama would be my back door out of my mental loops. I could stream a show produced by Bravo, see reality stars embroiled in much greater turmoil and scandal, and think, “Well at least my situation isn’t nearly as intense.” Feelings of compassion and concern for the humans on the screen would follow, making me feel good about myself because in my imagination, I would be helping them to work through the anger and chaos. The rumination would clear, though the apathy and lethargy (Level 1)* would remain, as regular consumption of the crises of others with whom I have no personal connection would pollute my Feedback Loop with highly produced worlds that I could easily withdraw into, far away from my own lived experience.
Now without such escapes, all parts of myself that had been disowned, rejected, hidden, buried, condemned, and exiled bloom in my field of awareness, where I acknowledge their presence and dance with their primal instincts. Every reflection of the four survival archetypes, about which Caroline Myss writes in her book, “Advanced Energy Anatomy: The Science of Co-Creation and Your Power of Choice” emerges in the spaciousness of the attentive mind. For those unfamiliar with her work, Myss shares that we are all born with four survival archetypes: the Child, the Prostitute, the Saboteur, and the Victim. They help us to ensure our needs are met when we don’t have the health or tools to advocate for ourselves. They are the roles we play when we deviate from our aligned paths.
Throughout my Feedback Loop cleanse, my paths of reconciliation with these archetypes have strengthened. Now instead of distracting myself from facing the music, I conduct the orchestra into a beautiful symphony of understanding, self-forgiveness, and ownership. I can view each survival mode reflection of self through my third eye and say to her, “I’m proud of you. You did what you thought you had to when no other options were available or apparent.” I can love them so completely; I no longer reach for an easy distraction or escape. Instead, I practice alchemy. If I were to invite old guilty pleasures back into my psyche, I might sabotage this practice. I am in no rush to invite in such risk.
*(Click for more information on the 7 Levels of Energy.)
3. We Teach What We Must Learn.
Ever since Chris and I developed the name “Feedback Loop Coaching” for our business, I’d been dwelling in vision mode, my third eye watching mini-movies of the two of us teaching a “Feedback Loop Purification” workshop. The dream is beautiful. All participants are walking away in control of their information input and output. I’ve designed the workshop in my head a dozen times. And that’s where it remained. Safe, hidden, beautiful, ideal, tucked away in my imagination for me to return to whenever I needed a reminder of where my Feedback Loop muse lives in secret. Protected from rejection.
As comfortable as it’s felt to keep my idea babies in perpetual pregnancy, Nature must take its course. The time to birth the workshop into the physical world had arrived. Though forcing the now thoroughly imagined vision through the birth canal felt like attempting to pour the ocean through a straw. So I invoked the mantra, “Widen the straw,” and remained open to however that showed up in my life.
The guidance came through during pigeon pose in one of Zafera’s Full Moon ceremonies at Mati Yoga Studio. In Ram Dass’ voice, I heard the instruction, “Take the curriculum.” And it occurred to me, “How can I teach something I haven’t yet experienced?” As the students of our experience of life, we teach what we must learn. And how could it be any other way? When perception is unique to the eyes of the beholder, we are the perceivers of the lessons life reveals to us through reflection and relation. Mirrors and entanglements. So if through my lens, Feedback Loop Purification is relevant, it must be my lesson to embrace and embody. I still plan on co-creating and co-teaching the workshop with Chris (who has already mastered this lesson when he experienced a 10-day silent Vipassana retreat in November 2020), though my personal curriculum is just getting started. The deeper I go into this process, the more insight I gain. I’m only at the beginning of excavating the depths of my consciously curated Feedback Loop.
4. My Recall is Improving.
One of the most frustrating aspects of navigating my Manifestor Human Design type is losing track of or forgetting ideas and sentences in the middle of writing. The very act of being interrupted while I’m in my creative flow could trigger feelings of defeat and hopelessness, as my thoughts turn dark. “I’ll never remember what I was about to write. This always happens. Why bother.” A Level 1 spin into victimhood mixed with Level 2 resentment toward the interruption.
I’m discovering that without the noise of chaotic input, every idea that floats into my awareness remains within access even after interruption. Though I may initially forget what had been on the tip of my tongue just moments ago, I remain calm and let go, surrendering to the possibilities awaiting me in the next moment. I’m finding that as I cultivate this trust and faith in my creative stream-of-consciousness, I can return to the river and find my sentences flowing with new life. They were never lost. Just swimming toward the ocean.
This level of recall is more valuable to me than all the content on the Internet. I am not here to consume what has already been perpetuated. I am here to open myself up as a vessel for optimism and wisdom to flow through, as I create new inspiring worlds for the next 7 generations. Recognizing my writing is essential to my web weaving, I see no reason to jeopardize my sentence recall in this stage of my journey.
5. When the Empire Collapses, I don’t want to be anywhere near the Colosseum.
As we are growing increasingly aware, time is not linear. From a Level 7 perspective, time is an illusion. From a Level 6 perspective, there’s much wisdom to be accessed in perceiving time’s cyclical nature. Both Past and Future flow through the Present moment, in and through our patterns as a collective.
When we are aware of the Red Flags that we think would have alerted the masses to past corruption and manipulation, we are better equipped to access and apply those alert systems in the present. As Roman satirical poet Juvenal wrote in Satire X (to which the phrase “bread and circuses” is attributed),
“... Already long ago, from when we sold our vote to no man, the People have abdicated our duties; for the People who once upon a time handed out military command, high civil office, legions — everything, now restrains itself and anxiously hopes for just two things: bread and circuses.”
The patterns are evident. Apathy is apathy, whether among the citizens of Ancient Rome or the people of 2023 USA. The mechanism by which we are subdued and reduced to a submissive state has changed, though the pattern remains. Today, we watch the circuses & games through our screens. Our expensive cobalt-powered devices that lure us into sedentary Homer Simpson-esque lifestyles. Devices that collect our output, which is mostly based on impulse, and use it to manipulate our input and sell us products.
After such a thorough break from the algorithm’s Feedback Loop, I see the ways it’s tricked me into abdicating my duties. I am here to contribute to New Earth’s materialization outside the city limits, so when Rome falls and the masses are left without government services, the garden will be ready with food, empowering knowledge, & skills to share.
And my method for acquiring such knowledge and skills is through my consciously curated input: A consistent Yoga practice, which imprints ancient movement in and through my body. A meditation practice combined with my Energy Leadership experience, cultivating calm relaxed mental states amid the noise and haste. A beginner’s mindset, which attracts opportunities to learn from others. Books that tell the Truth. Shows on Gaia TV that instill a permanent sense of optimism and solution-focused perception. High vibrational music & sound, which has been utilized by every ancient civilization. The virtual KAKAO Community, which provides healthy nourishing social media connection. And Nature. My greatest teacher. I trust my instincts in Nature lightyears more now than when I was averaging three hours of phone screen time a day. I feel more prepared than ever for what’s to come. And what that is, I don’t know. Historically, when empires fall, chaos ensues. I’m ready for it.
6. The Five-Year Test.
Sometimes when I am struggling to forgive myself for a mistake or embarrassment, replaying the moments in my mind to further bury myself in guilt and shame (highly addictive feelings), I invoke this tool. I ask myself, “What will it matter in five years?” Or “Will anyone even remember five years from now?”
These questions challenge the ego’s fixation, as our self-perception is convoluted by interpretations we make about how others see us. Interrupting the replay loop snaps us out of the shame spiral and provides a pause for objective evaluation. To think I would have that much power or importance that five years after a deviation from alignment, people are still remembering and judging me instead of focusing on their own lives is definitely the work on an inflated ego. So will my life be a disaster in five years due to a perceived misstep? 9 times out of 10, the answer is no.
That 10th one is reserved for when I’ve really hurt myself or someone else. Those moments always matter to me regardless of how much time passes, because they teach me the most about how I would like to grow. How to course-correct so I don’t repeat the behavior. When memories of such occurrences surface, I sit with them. I feel the shame & guilt. I let them grip my heart and squeeze my lungs. And when it’s time to move forward, I remember our soul contracts. I remember everything plays out exactly as it’s meant to. I give a bow to our wild, raw, cyclical karma and with a cleansing exhale, I let it go so I am free to catch my ride on the wave of dharma. (In Energy Leadership terms, the process just described transmutes Level 1 Victim into Level 5 Reconciliation.)
In this current situation, I am certain my absence from social media and Netflix are causing no harm, though my ego fears my decision will injure my business. I allow the fears such as, “I’ll lose all my Instagram followers,” and “I won’t have any way to cultivate relationships,” to surface. Alright, fears. Let’s apply the five-year test. Will it matter in five years if I have no Instagram followers, or if I’m out of touch with the latest in infotainment? Considering I envision a mass exodus from Zuckerberg-controlled media over the next few years, losing my Instagram followers is not a valid fear. And with the frenzied rate at which media narratives flip and Netflix movies flop, I don’t think I’ll be missing anything in their absence from my Feedback Loop. I’m sure I could check back five years from now, and the chaos and nonsense will have grown tiresome for everyone. And the relationships I’ve been cultivating in-person have been so nourishing, the quality time so rich with presence, I don’t feel the need to reach into the metaverse for a greater quantity of contacts.
So as I project five years into the future, I see what a pure Feedback Loop will afford me. Infinite space for learning, creativity, and intimate in-person connection with the world around me.
7. Dunbar’s Number.
As previously mentioned, our interpretations influence our self-perception. We interpret tones, body language, facial expression. All forms of expression. We interpret content, contact, communication. We also interpret gaps in communication. Social media casts a wide net for potential misinterpretations. The number of contacts to whom we are exposed each day is not natural.
I am fond of “out of sight, out of mind.” I believe this is a biological and psychological gift. If all the world’s suffering, every tragedy, disaster, act of violence, drama, neglect, and conflict were flashed in our faces on a regular basis, we’d likely feel hopeless and depressed. Stuck in perpetual trauma.
Just as if all the world’s solutions, organizational harmonics, moments of celebration, peace, healing, reconciliation, and service were displayed on our screens regularly, we’d probably feel uplifted, inspired, and optimistic. And therefore, more proactive (aka, spending less time on screens). So the black mirrors show us doom, drama, & gloom.
If 90% of information transmitted to the brain is visual, what does that mean for our Feedback Loops when we’re looking at screens for so many hours a day? How much input do our vulnerable psyches absorb as we scroll or stream? How many circles do we see viewing our stories each day? Circles representing relationships. Relationships from any period in our lives.
Social media invites us to stay connected with elementary school classmates, coworkers, distant relatives, and everyone in between. People who knew us in awkward chapters, healthy chapters, alcoholic chapters, traumatized chapters. And perhaps our paths crossed only during the awkward chapter or alcoholic chapter. What conditions does it create for the nervous system to see those reflections so regularly on social media? How often do we feel impact just from opening these apps on our phones? Maybe there’s a reason we lose touch with people as we evolve at different times and tempos through the journey of life.
According to Wikipedia, “Dunbar's number is a suggested cognitive limit to the number of people with whom one can maintain stable social relationships—relationships in which an individual knows who each person is and how each person relates to every other person.” This number is 150. We are equipped to maintain up to 150 quality relationships. To me, this sounds natural. It brings up imagery of self-sufficient villages and harmonious town hall meetings in which each human genuinely cares for the well-being of every other person in the room. Farmers’ Markets and neighborhood directories. Small business owners who know the names of every customer who walks through their doors. Bilbo Baggins’ birthday party in the Shire. Such levels of familiarity and connection inspire thriving communities. We develop exchanges of goods, services, & knowledge and through local heart-centered support, we contribute to the decentralization of power as it flows to the hands of the people instead of to the top of some illusory hierarchy. Perhaps BlackRock’s Aladdin sits atop this algorithmic tower, gobbling up and synthesizing our data in accordance with the shareholders’ objectives. Energy flows where attention goes, and I feel called at this time to reclaim my energy from the data miners.
As I extend this Feedback Loop Purification, I am clear on my relationships. My intimate circle, my community, and my general acquaintances with whom I am always delighted to engage in a friendly stop & chat. Beyond that, I set myself free from the exaggerated sense of responsibility I place on myself to read and respond to every DM with my full presence and undivided attention. Now I reserve that quality of time and energy for a more organic and regenerative community.
8. Energy Flows Where Attention Goes.
Throughout my life, I have spent my fair share of attention on the status quo. I participated in the collective observance of prime-time television programming. Every Sunday, I circled up with my brothers for a viewing of “The Simpsons,” and then joined my Dad for late night “X-Files.” I cuddled up with my Mom for “Friends” and “Seinfeld” at the assigned times on Thursdays. While such memories bring up nostalgia in my heart (Level 4), as well as gratitude (Level 5) for the rolodex of references and tapestry of themes & archetypes, which provide deeper insights (Level 6) in any given situation, they are also from a simpler time. With my proclivity toward escapism, the introduction of streaming services has complicated my relationship with entertainment.
The reason I love escaping into imagined and produced worlds is because they feel real to me. My mirror neurons fire with such intensity, I find myself fully immersed in a whole new experience. A different dimension. An alternate reality. A dream. When I reflect on the imagined worlds that have nourished my soul or invigorated my intellect or ignited my passion, the core values that prevailed throughout the series or movies or books aligned with my own. Identifying with certain protagonists has helped me to feel more understood and less alone in the world. Though if I escape for too long, inspiration becomes apathy, as chronic inaction results in lethargy (Level 1). Therefore, I must practice discernment as I navigate the field of WiFi entertainment to ensure I’m not streaming my life away.
One way I discern is by recognizing, “Energy flows where attention goes.” I ask myself, “What are the patterns to which I contribute when I allow this form of entertainment to capture my attention?” For example, the Bravo reality stars I mentioned earlier who earn their salaries by producing drama and chaos might enjoy calmer more peaceful lives if they weren’t incentivized to stir conflict. And I don’t want to be one of the 90 million households tuning in to encourage such behaviors. I’m sure there are more meaningful and purpose-driven pathways for them to generate income and develop their talent. Which invites the question, what is my responsibility as the observer?
As Krishnamurti is known to have said, “The observer is not separate from the object observed. Everything in the universe is connected.” What is my influence on that which I observe? What is its influence on me? While I am only one observer, I believe in the power of redirecting my attention toward the harmonics. The energy shift may not be mighty enough to discontinue external conflicts that play out on our screens, though it certainly mitigates catabolic energy within. By focusing my attention on my passion projects or the creativity of friends and family, I am recirculating energy away from the stagnant world stage and toward more regenerative gardens. I don’t need to know the latest headlines to create the new paradigm. In fact, my creative work and the space I am able to hold for clients is richer and more fertile when my Feedback Loop remains unpolluted.
In contrast to the space my 4th grade teacher was able to hold for her students. Travel with me back in time to the 1994-1995 school year. I have a vivid memory of my 4th grade teacher circling up the “E group” of which I was a member (that’s a whole other story for another time) and prompting us to speak about the OJ Simpson trial. I remember feeling shock and wondering why all the adults were so obsessed with this news cycle. Once the shock wore off, I remember feeling anger. I wanted to yell, “I don’t care! I’m sick of this!” in my teacher’s face, and at the same time, I thought something was wrong with me for not caring. Of course, I felt sadness that someone lost her life, but enough was enough. This was also the year we read “The Diary of a Young Girl” by Anne Frank, so I thought we had some more important topics to cover. While I always enjoyed current events as I student, I sensed the OJ Simpson chaos lacked deeper importance in the grand scheme of our education, and the line between current events and celebrity gossip was blurring in a reckless way. My classmates didn’t say much in response to the prompt, though my teacher shared with us that she was experiencing nightmares from watching the trial. The rebel in me wanted to shout, “Then stop watching, and stop wasting our time!” though the Empath in me felt compassion for her. I started having nightmares after that. Not about the trial, but about my teacher having nightmares. I was disturbed by her personal share. We were children. We should not have been put in a position of holding space for this adult entrusted with our education.
Children in general should not be paying such high prices for our collective inability to process our emotions (energy in motion) and alchemize our energy effectively. We are the adults now. We have a responsibility to manage our addiction to tragedy and gossip. A few years ago, I took a risk in explaining to a fellow adult that I no longer watch the news. This person repsonded, “I feel it’s my responsibility to know what’s going on in the world.” With genuine curiosity, I asked, “What do you do with that responsibility?” I asked, because to me responsibility implies action. After noticing the way news causes people to feel overwhelm & hopelessness (Level 1) or anger & animosity (Level 2), I wanted to understand how people then take responsibility (Level 3) for their thoughts, emotions, and place in the world. Perhaps they organize community efforts toward causes inspired by what they’ve seen. Or maybe they march for peace to counteract the discord broadcast on our screens. I didn’t know. The person in this conversation stormed away from me mumbling, “I don’t need to listen to this shit,” leaving me feeling hurt and rejected. Though I recovered, because it’s important to keep asking the question. What do we do with our responsibility? And in response to the desire to know what’s going on in the world, intentionally chosen books and documentaries tend to dig a bit deeper than the 24-hour news cycles. Though I don’t watch the news, I am informed. My awareness just expands beyond the micro. When studying 10,000 year-old lineages that have been threatened and endangered throughout history, macro perspectives shed light on the patterns we experience in the present. Humanity doesn’t benefit from furthering our addiction to tragedy and adrenaline. So I reclaim my attention and recirculate my energy into more fruitful arenas.
Without the static of YouTube clickbait, headlines designed to invoke shock, and the assault of public opinion occupying my Feedback Loop, I am able to tune my dial into my internal guidance system. My wisdom of discernment is sharper than it has ever been. Even if a YouTube title from a source I previously admired flashes through my awareness (sometimes it’s unavoidable) with captions like, “They did WHAT,” or “This changes EVERYTHING,” I feel no temptation to click. All thanks to my gut’s intelligence, which now filters such infotainment as distraction. It’s easier to wipe the rose tint from my glasses when heroes fall from pedestals. I don’t adhere to dogma. No opinion is settled. Everything changes, and we are evolving. The leaders I admire today might fall tomorrow. And that’s fine. Because my internal guidance system is impeccable. I am comfortable with the energetic imprint I ripple out as I navigate the noise and haste in this age of confusion.
9. Biological Health.
I speak about Catabolic and Anabolic Energy often in relation to Emotional, Mental, and Spiritual health, though it may be helpful to touch upon the impact on our Biological Health.
When we are under stress, our brains release Catabolic hormones, such as Adrenaline & Cortisol. While these hormones are certainly appropriate when we are in danger or when we engage in strength-training, when used chronically, they break down our tissues and cells. The result of chronic cortisol is chronic inflammation. So from a biological perspective, overuse of Catabolic Energy results in injury & illness.
Anabolic hormones and transmitters, such as Oxytocin, Human growth hormone, and Serotonin, rebuild and heal our tissues and cells. While we certainly wouldn’t want to be in a blissful state of flowing oxytocin and phenethylamine when we truly are in danger, for the most part, those of us living in the United States are safe in our day-to-day lives. Our tissues and cells would greatly benefit from not only acknowledging this safety, but using it to cultivate regular release of anabolic hormones and neurotransmitters, which regenerate the body.
As I purify my Feedback Loop, I am taking control of my hormones. My adrenaline and dopamine addictions are in check, as I nurture the conditions for anabolic hormones to flow freely. I’m also enjoying time away from my wireless devices and yearning for the days before cell towers as I uncover hidden truths about their effect on our biological health.
In the PubMed review, “World Health Organization, radiofrequency radiation and health - a hard nut to crack,” Dr. Lennart Hardell thoroughly examines the conflicts of interest at play, as the health risks associated with radio frequencies are not presented and explained to the public in ways that would grant us greater awareness and autonomy over how we choose to engage with such technology.
In another article titled, “Health risks from radiofrequency radiation, including 5G, should be assessed by experts with no conflicts of interest,” we learn that “In an appeal to the European Union (EU) in September 2017, currently endorsed by >390 scientists and medical doctors, a moratorium on 5G deployment was requested until proper scientific evaluation of potential negative consequences has been conducted. This request has not been acknowledged by the EU.”
Considering scientists in China have already launched a 6G satellite into orbit, I’m feeling called to hit the sacred pause button on such technological advancements until transparency becomes a Core Value in global leadership. May the organizations supposedly formed to protect us offer us the full story. Share with the people the studies that show the harmful effects of wireless devices on the blood-brain barrier. Share with professors, teachers, & town halls worldwide the extensive 3-part peer reviewed article by Levitt, Law, and Manville (2021) which advises “It is time to recognize ambient EMF as a novel form of pollution and develop rules at regulatory agencies that designate air as ‘habitat’ so EMF can be regulated like other pollutants.”
I have faith in humanity, and I believe when it becomes public knowledge that “It is these exact RFR bands between 30 KHz and 3 GHz used in telecommunications technology that have increased during this period of accelerating wildlife disappearance. No other pollutant has increased in parallel like this,” we will collectively agree we’d much rather regenerate our fauna & flora so future generations may thrive in abundant nature than have fast convenient access to wireless communication.
It’s clear there exists a vision to transform our beautiful natural world into a fully technological society where we are constantly connected to each other and the objects that surround us. I don’t remember voting on this as a public. I don’t remember being presented with all the long-term studies or plans so that we can direct technological advances with respect to all the species who share this beautiful planet. What happens when we are provided with evidence that the 4th Industrial Revolution (as described by the World Economic Forum https://www.weforum.org/focus/fourth-industrial-revolution) is causing the decline of the natural environment and exacerbating human disconnection? I’ve explored enough of the evidence to determine that my role here is to build a bridge back to our biological nature. Use it or lose it. I’m here to use it.
Citations:
Hardell L. World Health Organization, radiofrequency radiation and health - a hard nut to crack (Review) Int J Oncol. 2017;51:405–413. doi: 10.3892/ijo.2017.4046.
Hardell L., Carlberg M. [Comment] Health risks from radiofrequency radiation, including 5G, should be assessed by experts with no conflicts of interest. Oncol. Lett. 2020;20:15. doi: 10.3892/ol.2020.11876.
Levitt BB, Lai HC, Manville AM. Low-level EMF effects on wildlife and plants: What research tells us about an ecosystem approach. Levitt BB, Lai HC, Manville AM. Frontiers in Public Health, 25 November 2022
Levitt, Lai, Manville. (2021) Effects of non-ionizing electromagnetic fields on flora and fauna, Part 1. Rising ambient EMF levels in the environment. Rev Environ Health. 2021 May 27.
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Levitt, Lai, Manville (2021) Effects of non-ionizing electromagnetic fields on flora and fauna, Part 3. Exposure standards, public policy, laws, and future directions. Rev Environ Health. 2021 Sep 27.
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10. Retiring from Voluntary Surveillance.
My output on Instagram had always sprung forth from the desire to share my lens with the world. I see beauty, wonder, magick, and poetry in motion everywhere. In a culture so heavily bombarded with reasons to feel hopeless, I am inspired to infuse optimism and joy into the collective consciousness. Though I began asking myself if social media is really the means by which to accomplish these ends. I was pulling out my phone to record video constantly. It became so weird that I was filming all these moments in life. Especially the most sacred.
The lens on my phone began looking a lot like Sauron’s eye from “The Lord of the Rings.” I don’t want that surveillance tech watching me. And I was offering it all up. Facial recognition, locations, friends, everything I chose to record and share on social media. Voluntarily relinquishing my privacy. I don’t think that contributes to the optimism in the world. It just feeds the data beast. Who then keeps and controls my creativity. I no longer have ownership over my words. My poetry. My art.
So I put the surveilling eye down, and now I have extra hands to lend. It’s amazing how much time recording, editing, and sharing content on social media ate up throughout my day. On average, about two hours a day (including my “Post Hangover:” Checking back every 2 minutes to see how my content is landing). About 60 hours a month. I am able to accomplish so much more with my own two hands and contribute to society in more meaningful and influential ways. Though popular social media personalities are referred to as “influencers,” the quality of their leadership is open to interpretation. Hypnotizing us to stare at screens instead of encouraging us to turn off our devices and gather in-person does not inspire greatness from humanity. So according to iPEC’s definition of leadership, “Leadership is simply an interaction where influence occurs. The influence can be positive or negative, focused consciously or unintentionally, and the impact can be minimal or maximal. A leader is an individual in the interaction who knowingly or unknowingly creates a greater influence on the other person,” I’m sensing the most influential interactions are occurring off screen.
11. Sacred Moments in Nature
The beauty & divinity of Mother Earth, her poetry in motion, for my eyes only. This has been a massive gift.
Receptivity has been a lifelong challenge for me. Navigating from a people-pleaser default setting has attracted and normalized imbalances in giving & receiving. Perhaps to rationalize the imbalance instead of disrupting the patterns themselves, I told myself I wasn’t worthy. That I had to earn the offering. And even then, I was skeptical that I’d actually proven my worth.
For example, I worked my butt off for years in commercial real estate. Many of those years while I was also attending Law School at night. I’m grateful for both experiences and I recognize in reflection where decisions were made based in a lack of self-worth. As though I owed the world to pile on as much as my human could hold and carry. Though receiving for my efforts made me uncomfortable. My track record in meeting deadlines at work was stellar. I knew I earned my bonuses. I told myself I earned them. Yet, deep down, I felt unworthy. I felt like I owed more of myself. Which resulted in a circus of dysfunctional corporate power games (stories better told in person).
And there was no bonus or promotion or job title available that would ever fill that void. Only by remembering and aligning with my soul purpose would I regenerate my fertile fields of infinite creativity. So I reconciled with my wildish nature and took a leap of faith into the mysterious unknowns of Soulpreneurship & Heart-Centered business. While I had wonderful mentors and course instruction along the way, the paths illuminated by those outside of me showed dependence on Social Media. And I believed it to be the only way to build my business. Until I didn’t. Small businesses not only functioned long before social media. They thrived. Word-of-mouth and local community support may not be enough for the more ambitious soulpreneurs, but it’s enough for me. At least right now. I’ve been building my coaching business for five years. Giving my all to social media. I am ready to receive.
And I have learned to receive through sacred moments in Nature. During the first week of my Feedback Loop Purification, I crouched down close to the lake beside our apartment and began offering prayers. The sun danced on the water, reflecting pure white light directly onto my face. Feeling the warmth and radiance, my energy field expanded to the realm of intuition and mystic intelligence. And I heard the internal guidance direct me to, “Look up.” I tilted my head back and sightly over my right shoulder as a blue heron swooped above me, so close I could see its feathers and feel its wind. My gaze followed its flight until it landed with grace across the lake below my neighbor’s willow tree. For a split second, my thoughts reacted out of habit: “I should have had my phone on me!” (to capture the moment on video.) Though the very next thought was, “I’m so glad I didn’t have my phone on me.” Because I would have attempted to hit record and would have missed out on the majesty of the moment. Instead, I opened my heart in receptivity. “Thank you, Father Sky. Thank you, Mother Earth,” I bowed. Awestruck by the sacred occurrence. Recognizing the value in receiving without compulsively sharing. That moment was for my eyes only. It’s okay if no other human witnessed it. I did. I was meant to. And that’s enough.
Now when I walk in Nature either solo or with my love or friends, I am fully present. Receptive to the mysticism and wonder. And I am not looking to sabotage the quality of my presence by inviting my Instagram habit back into my experience of life. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder anyway. Let’s say I had captured the blue heron in flight and posted it to my Instagram story. Would anyone viewing the story actually feel what I did in that moment? I’m guessing no. It reminds me of a page in Anthony de Mello’s Awareness when he says, “Or if I want you to get the feel of what the flow of a river is like, and I bring it to you in a bucket. The moment I put it into a bucket, it has stopped flowing. The moment you put things into a concept, they stop flowing; they become static, dead. A frozen wave is not a wave. A wave is essentially movement, action; when you freeze it, it is not a wave. Concepts are always frozen. Reality flows.” The moment I condense the beauty around me into the little black mirror, it becomes static. I’m not here to freeze waves. If the people want to experience the adventure in Nature, they will go outside and have a feel for themselves.
As I extend my Feedback Loop Purification, it’s important for me to give thanks for technology that fuels my creativity and connects me more intimately with community. Canva, our websites and email lists, the KAKAO Garden, the Mayan Wisdom Project portal, Discord, Next Door, and friends’ websites have become more important to me than ever. A friend recently asked, “Why not Telegram?” I overdosed on Telegram between 2020 and 2022. I became a hopium junkie, and in the end, the Wiz remains behind the curtain, evading the reveal. While Telegram was there for me when I needed alternate sources of connection and information more than ever, my addictive patterns are undeniable. Though I am a fan of the platform. Any social media platform beyond Zuckerberg control is a win, because it expands our options. I will always advocate for options.
I also send up thanks and praise for the gift Christopher has been throughout this process. My love, thank you for taking the wheel with SFTP’s Instagram account. I never would have given myself permission to exit the platform had I felt like I was abandoning the community we built and leaving them high and dry. Especially with upcoming events on the schedule. As clear as my vision may be of a mass exodus from Zuckerberg media, we are not there yet. We are still building the bridges to the new world, and you are an expert bridge-builder. Thank you for your support. And thank you for joining me in making movie night as inconvenient as possible.
Chris and I have watched one Hollywood film since I began this purification process. Can you guess what it is? If my Bilbo Baggins and Sauron references didn’t make it obvious, we watched “The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring.” Chris dug out the big screen TV from the storage closet, along with the surround sound speakers and set up the living room for movie night. It reminded me of when watching a film was a special occasion. As it should be. And why wouldn’t we make the choice to spend hours directing our attention into the black mirror as inconvenient as possible? In my view, we should work for it. We should earn it. It scares me how convenient it has become for us to sit motionless on the couch staring at a flat box.
As I mentioned, my own Feedback Loop Purification process is just getting started. I have backslid a few times into YouTube wormholes as communication from friends and family sparked curiosity and inspired truth-seeking deep dives. As my process continues, I will be designing workshops and worksheets for anyone who would like to join in Feedback Loop purification. Please stay tuned, and thank you for reading. I appreciate you.